shrinking spaces

this morning i woke up early for some Mountain biking session at Candos Hill
It was awesome to go get lost (somehow unintentionally)
i felt good to hit the trails although it was raining

but...

i had the worst day ever since a lot of days
i unfortunately saw Cindy in the Caudan Waterfront Foodcourt today
with her new date
how uncool is that?
sometimes i tend to take everything as a competition
if this breakup would be a competition i think that i'd be the one who lost the game
i was the one who invited her for lunch (and dinner)
she was the one to refuse
i was the one to see her at the opposite table
she wasn't the one who left with a huge red face full of anger
i guess the list is much longer
but hey i don't know if i'm misreading or taking all blame on me
anyways i hate the fact of me being wrong or something not going as i thought it'd be!

i may not be a good writer
i may not express myself as i wish i would
i may not write in a linear form but i think that i don't care
i mean it's pretty hard for me to keep this blog because usually after writing everyline of it
i use to think of a lot of stylistic matters...

it seems that i'm not good at all in expressing my emotions and feelings
this is the reason why i moved out of my parents place
having a certain distance from them (more that it was from the time i was living there)
helped me at least to have a conversation with my mother
and now?
i couldn't explain to myself the reason why i left this table
it's just that i could not finish my dim sum
and i NEVER stop eating... NEVER...
bottom line; all i did was to take the bus home as far as possible to meet my only buddy Green Island
Hide my head; i wanted to drown my sorrow... hoping for no tomorrow
but the phone rang... why did i have to turn it on again...

now here it goes feeling just trapped in circles again
gosh i just wanna find a way out of it all
i'm just tired of loosing everything in my life again...

and even all these days i couldn't stop thinking about her...
and here it's 18:20
i've been sleeping a lot this afternoon....
this night will be long and painful

this picture above shows somehow i feel today...